What Thomas Carlyle said about the Prophet Muhammed (PBUH)

“how one man single-handedly, could weld warring tribes and wandering Bedouins into a most powerful and civilized nation in less than two decades.”

The Prophet (Nasheed Video) Dawud Wharnsby Ali

This is a good nasheed about the prophet PBUH

 

What Michael H. Hart said about the Prophet Muhammad PBUH

“My choice of Muhammad to lead the list of the world’s most influential persons may surprise some readers and may be questioned by others, but he was the only man in history who was supremely successful on both the religious and secular level.”

____________________________________

Michael H. Hart, THE 100: A RANKING OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSONS IN HISTORY, New York: Hart Publishing Company, Inc., 1978, p. 33.

Mahatma Gandhi opinion about the Prophet Muhmmad PBUH

Speaking on the character of Muhammad (pbuh), Mahatma Gandhi says in (Young India*)

“I wanted to know the best of one who holds today’s undisputed sway over the hearts of millions of mankind….I became more than convinced that it was not the sword that won a place for Islam in those days in the scheme of life. It was the rigid simplicity, the utter self-effacement of the Prophet, the scrupulous regard for his pledges, his intense devotion to this friends and followers, his intrepidity, his fearlessness, his absolute trust in God and in his own mission. These and not the sword carried everything before them and surmounted every obstacle. When I closed the 2nd volume (of the Prophet’s biography), I was sorry there was not more for me to read of the great life.”

 

*Young India was a journal published in English by  Mahatma Gandhi

Are Muslim Women Oppressed?

Among the many topics of interest to non-Muslims, the status of Muslim women and the theme of their rights — or rather, the perceived lack of them – seems to be foremost.  The media’s portrayal of Muslim women,   usually outlining their “oppression and mystery” seems to contribute to this negative perception.

 

The main reason for this is that people often fail to distinguish between culture and religion — two things that are completely different. In fact, Islam condemns oppression of any kind whether it is towards a woman or humankind in general.The Quran is the sacred book by which Muslims live. This book was revealed 1400 years ago to a man named Muhammad –peace be upon him-, who would later become the Prophet –peace be upon him-. Fourteen centuries have passed and this book has not been changed since, not one letter has been altered.

 

In chapter 33, entitled Surah Al-Ahzaab (The Clans), verse 59 Allah The Exalted Almighty Says (what means):

“O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the woman of the believers to bring down over themselves (part) of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known (as free respectable women) and not be abused. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.” [Quran 33:59]

This verse shows that Islam makes wearing a Hijaab necessary. Hijaab is the word used for covering, not only the headscarves (as some people may think) but also wearing loose clothes that are not too bright.Sometimes, people see covered Muslim women and they think of this as oppression. This is wrong. A Muslim woman is not oppressed, in fact, she is liberated. This is because she is no longer valued for something material, such as her good looks or the shape of her body. She compels others to judge her for her intelligence, kindness, honesty and personality. Therefore, people judge her for who she actually is.

 

When Muslim women cover their hair and wear loose clothes, they are obeying the orders of their Lord to be modest, not cultural or social mores. In fact, Christian nuns cover their hair out of modesty, yet no one considers them “oppressed”. By following the command of Allah, Muslim women are doing the exact same thing.

 

 

 

 

 

The lives of the people who responded to the Quran have changed drastically. It had a tremendous impact on so many people, especially women, since this was the first time that the souls of man and women were declared equal — with the same obligations as well as the same rewards.For the first time in history, women were granted economic independence in Islam. The money they bring in to marriage is theirs as well as the money they earn. In Islam, women are allowed to choose their own husbands and in extreme cases, ask for divorce. A woman has the right to be educated, contrary to what the contemporary world might think. The responsibility is that of the person who is raising her.

 

Islam is a religion that holds women in high regard. Long ago, when baby boys were born, they brought great joy to the family. The birth of a girl was greeted with considerably less joy and enthusiasm. Sometimes, girls were hated so much that they were buried alive. Islam has always been against this irrational discrimination against girls and female infanticide.

 

 

 

The Prophet Muhammad, PBUH, said: “Seeking knowledge is mandatory for every Muslim (male and female).”

Men and women both have the capacity for learning and understanding. Since it is also their obligation to promote good behavior and condemn bad behavior in all spheres of life, Muslim women must acquire the appropriate education to perform this duty in accordance with their own natural talents and interests.While maintenance of their homes, providing support to the husband and bearing, raising and teaching children are among the first and very highly regarded roles for a woman, if she has the skills to work outside the home for the good of the community, she may do so. However, this is allowed only as long as her family obligations are met and as long as she complies with the Islamic code of dress and conduct, with no intermingling with men in the workplace.

 

Islam recognizes and fosters the natural differences between men and women despite their equality. Some types of work are more suitable for men and other types for women. This differentiation in no way diminishes the effort or benefit of one gender over the other. God will reward both genders equally for the value of their work, though it may not necessarily be within the same sphere of activity.

The two great roles a woman plays in life are that of a wife and a mother. The Prophet –peace be upon him-, once said to a group of Companions:

Concerning motherhood, the Prophet Muhammad, PBUH, said: “Heaven lies under the feet of mothers.” This implies that the success of a society can be traced to the mothers who raised it. The first and greatest influence on a person comes from the sense of security, affection and training received from the mother. Therefore, a woman having children must be educated and conscientious in order to be a skillful parent.

A man came to the Prophet, PBUH, and asked: “Who among my kinfolk is worthy of my good companionship?” The Prophet –peace be upon him-, replied: “Your mother” three times before saying: “Your father.”

This indicates the impact that a mother has in a person’s life. So women are highly honored in this great religion. Islam is a religion that treats women fairly. The Muslim woman was given a role, duties and rights 1400 years ago that most women do not enjoy even today in the West. These rights are from God and are designed to maintain a balance in society; what may seem “unjust” or “missing” in one place is compensated for or explained in another place.

“The best among you are those who are the best to their wives.” This shows that Islam highly encourages treating the wives well. They should be shown love, respect and care. To foster the love and security that comes with marriage, Muslim wives have various rights. The first of the wife’s rights is to receive dowry, a gift from the husband, which is part of the marriage contract and required for the legality of the marriage.

The second right of a wife is maintenance. Despite any wealth she may have, her husband is obligated to provide her with food, shelter and clothing. He is not forced, however, to spend beyond his capability and his wife is not entitled to make unreasonable demands.

 

 

Source: http://www.rasoulallah.net/subject_en.asp?hit=1&parent_id=82&sub_id=1823

More Than 40 Hadiths for Women

 

Forty Hadiths for Women

 

 

By Muhammad bin Shaker Ash-Sharif

 

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

 

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, and Peace and Blessings be upon Muhammad, His Apostle, the constant bearer of good tidings and the constant warner to the whole of mankind.

 

The following is a group of Hadiths concerned with some Islamic regulations for women. I collected and divided into chapters. It includes only forty-three hadiths, simple and easy to memorize. I followed the steps of many previous compilers who collected forty hadiths in various subjects. All hadiths are certain and accurate, i.e. mentioned in Sahih Muslim and/or Al Bukhari or agreed upon by the prominent hadith scholars.

 

I pray to Allah, the High and Almighty, to accept this modest work from his humble worshipper, forgive all my sins and mistakes, guide my intention, and let me die on good deeds.

Amen

 

Chapter 1 : Woman’s Pray at Home is better than Going to Mosque

 

 

Narrated by Ibn ‘Umar: Allah’s Apostle said: “Do not prevent women (wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, etc) from (praying at) mosques. Yet, their prayer at home is better (for them).”

 

Chapter 2 : Woman’s Freedom to Go out for their Needs

 

 

Narrated by ‘Aisha: Allah’s Apostle said: “You (women) have been allowed to go out for your needs.”

 

Chapter 3 : Evils behind Unnecessary Socialising of Unveiled Women

 

 

Narrated by Ibn Mas’ud: Allah’s Apostle said: “(Unveiled) woman is a cause of corruption. Once she goes out Satan beautifies her in the eyes of men (to seduce her as well as them). At her home, she is the closest (to the face) of her Lord.”

 

Chapter 4 : Woman should take the Permission of Her Husband before Going out

 

 

Narrated by Ibn Umar: One of the wives of Umar (bin Al-Khattab) used to offer the Fajr and the ‘Isha’ prayer in congregation in the Mosque. She was asked why she had come out for the prayer as she knew that Umar disliked it, and he has great “ghaira” (self-respect). She replied, “What prevents him from stopping me from this act?” The other replied, “The statement of Allah’s Apostle (p.b.u.h): ‘Do not stop Allah’s women-slave from going to Allah’s Mosques. “

 

Chapter 5: Prohibition on Women Regarding Putting Perfumes when Going out

 

 

Narrated by Abu Mousa Al Ash’ari: Allah’s Apostle said: “If a woman uses perfume and passes the people so that they may get its odour, she is so-and-so, meaning severe remarks. (i.e. about to commit adultery).”

 

 Chapter 6 : Prohibition on Women regarding showing her Charms when Going out

 

 

Narrated by Fudhalah ibn ‘Ubaid: Allah’s Apostle said: “Three persons are doomed …. Among them a woman whose husband is not present and provides for her; yet she shows her charms to (foreign) men.”

 

 

 

 

 

 Chapter 7 : Women should not travel without Mahram

 

 

Narrated by Ibn ‘Abbas: Allah’s Apostle said: “A woman should not travel except with a Dhu-Mahram (her husband or a man with whom that woman cannot marry at all according to the Islamic Jurisprudence).” A man got up and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! I intend to go to such and such an army and my wife wants to perform Hajj.” The Prophet said (to him), “Go along with her (to Hajj).”

 

Narrated by Ibn ‘Umar: Allah’s Apostle said: “Should we leave this entrance (at the Mosque, i.e. Al Masjid AL Nabawi ) only for women to enter.” The sub-narrator, Ibn Nafie’ said: “Ibn ‘Umar did not use this entrance (after that) until his death.” 

 

Chapter 9 : Women should not walk in the middle of the street

 

 

Narrated by Abi Ausaid Al Ansari: While Allah’s Apostle was going out of the mosque he saw all men and women in the road. He told the women: “You should wait behind. You should not walk in the middle of the road.” The narrator said: “women afterwards used to walk so close to the wall so that their dresses often stick to it.”

 

Chapter 10 : Women should perform Tawaf without mingling with men

 

 

Narrated by Ibn Jarieh said ‘Ata had told him when Ibn Hashim prevented women from performing Tawaf with men: how could he prevent them while the wives of the Prophet performed Tawaf with men?” I (i.e. Ibn Jarieh) said: before or after (the verse of) hijab (was revealed)? He said: “Upon my life, after hijab.” “How could they intermix with men?” I asked. “They didn’t,” he replied. “’Aisha used to perform Tawaf at a dividing space from men; she didn’t intermingle with them.”

 

Chapter 11 : Men shouldn’t enter freely into private places where foreign women are

 

 

Narrated by ‘Uqba bin ‘Amir: Allah’s Apostle said, “Beware of entering homes or rooms in which foreign ladies are.” A man from the Ansar said, “Allah’s Apostle! What about (Al-Hamu) the in-laws of the wife (the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)?” The Prophet replied: The in-laws of the wife are death itself.” 

 

Chapter 12 : Women should have their own learning venues

 

 

Narrated by Abu Huraira: A group of women came to Allah’s Prophet and said to him: “We cannot attend your majlis (gathering) of men, so, appoint us a day to come to you (alone).” He said: “We will meet at the house of so and so.” He went to them on the specified date and place. Among what he said at that day to the present women was “any woman who rises up three children for the sake of Allah will enter paradise.” One woman said: “And two?” “And two,” the Prophet said.

 

Chapter 13 : Women should not Carry Funeral

 

 

Narrated by Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudri :Allah’s Apostle said, When the funeral is ready and the men carry it on their shoulders, if the deceased was righteous he will say, ‘Present me (hurriedly),’ and if he was not righteous, he will say, ‘Woe to (me)! Where are they taking (me)?’ his voice is heard by everything except man and if he heard it he would fall unconscious.”

 

Chapter 14 : Women should not take off their clothes outside their homes

 

 

Narrated by Abu Al Mulaih Al Hathli: Some women from Homs asked for permission to visit ‘Aisha’s and she said: “Perhaps you belong to the place where women enter hot baths (for washing), I heard the Apostle of Allah saying: If a woman puts off her clothes in a place other than her house, she tears the veil between her and Allah.

 

Chapter 15: Woman should not Describe another woman to her husband

 

 

Narrated by ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’oud: The Prophet said, “A woman should not look at or touch another woman to describe her to her husband in such a way as if he were actually looking at her.”

 

Chapter 16: Women should not speak unnecessarily in the presence of foreign men

Narrated by Abu Huraira : The Prophet said, “The saying ‘Sub Han Allah’ is for men and clapping is for women i.e.” (If something happens during the prayer talking is not allowed, except the men can invite the attention of the Imam by saying “Sub Han Allah (i.e. Glorified be Allah )”, and women, by clapping their hands).

 

 

Narrated by Um ‘Atiyya: At the time of giving the pledge of allegiance to the Prophet one of the conditions was that we would not wail, but it was not fulfilled except by five women.

 

Chapter 18 : Exchange of salutation between men and women once there is no temptation

 

 

Narrated by Asmaa: Allah’s Apostle passed by a group of women near the mosque. He waved his hand to them in salutation and said: “Beware of being ungrateful to your husbands, beware of being ungrateful to your husbands.”

 

Chapter 19 : Men and women may talk to each other in good intention

 

 

Narrated by Anas bin Malik: The Prophet passed by a woman who was sitting and weeping beside a grave and said to her, “Fear Allah and be patient.”

 

Chapter 20: A woman can offer herself in marriage to the righteous man

 

 

Narrated by Anas: “A woman came to the Prophet offering herself to him in marriage, saying, “Have you got any interest in me (i.e. would you like to marry me?)” Anas’ daughter said, “How shameless that woman was!” On that Anas said, “She is better than you for, she presented herself to Allah’s Apostle (for marriage).”

 

 

 Chapter 21 : A woman should not be married against her will

 

 

Narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas: A virgin came to the Prophet and mentioned that her father had married her to a man against her will, so the Prophet allowed her to exercise her choice.

Another hadith asserts this point.

Narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas:

The Prophet said: A guardian has no concern with a woman previously married and has no husband, and a virgin must be consulted; her silence being her acceptance. (Book 5, Number 2095: Abu Dawud)

 

 

Chapter 22 : A woman is not allowed to promise her husband not to marry after he dies

 

 

Narrated by Um Mubashir: Allah’s Apostle proposed to the widow of Al Baraa bin Ma’rour but she told him: “I promised my (dead) husband not to marry after him.” “This promise is not valid,” said the Prophet

 

 Chapter 23 : A woman should not ask for divorce without a reason

 

 

Narrated by Thawban: Allah’s Apostle said, “Any woman who asks divorce from her husband without a reason, the smell of Paradise is prohibited for her.”

 

Chapter 24 : Young women can sing and play the tambourine in weddings and similar occasions

 

 

Narrated by Ar-Rubai’ bint Mu’auwith: The Prophet came to me after consuming his marriage with me and sat down on my bed as you (the sub-narrator) are sitting now, and small girls were beating the tambourine and singing in lamentation of my father who had been killed on the day of the battle of Badr. Then one of the girls said, “There is a Prophet amongst us who knows what will happen tomorrow.” The Prophet said (to her),” Do not say this, but go on saying what you have spoken before.”

 

Narrated by ‘Abullah bin Abi Awfa: Allah’s Apostle Said, “Had I ordered a person to prostrate to someone rather than Allah, I would have ordered the wife to prostrate to her husband. By Allah, who holds the soul of Muhammad in his hands, the wife will not be fulfilling her duty towards Allah until she fulfils her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for sexual intercourse) while she is on a camel (what means, being busy), she should not disobey him.”

 

Chapter 26 : Angels curses the disobedient wife

 

 

Narrated by Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning.”

 

Chapter 27 : Woman should be grateful to her husband

 

 

Narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas: Allah’s Apostle said, “I also saw the Hell-fire and I had never seen such a horrible sight. I saw that most of the inhabitants were women.” The people asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! Why is it so?” The Prophet replied, “Because of their ungratefulness.” It was asked whether they are ungrateful to Allah. The Prophet said, “They are ungrateful to their companions of life (husbands) and ungrateful to good deeds. If you are benevolent to one of them throughout the life and if she sees anything (undesirable) in you, she will say, ‘I never had any good from you.’ ”

 

 

Chapter 28 : Woman should not obey her husband if ordered to do a sin

 

 

Narrated by ‘Aisha: An Ansari woman (From the Supportes) gave her daughter in marriage and the hair of the latter started falling out. The Ansari women came to the Prophet and mentioned that to him and said, “Her (my daughter’s) husband suggested that I should let her wear false hair.” The Prophet said, “No, (don’t do that) for Allah sends His curses upon such ladies who lengthen their hair artificially.”

 

Chapter 29 : Woman should not donate from her money unless upon husband’s consent

 

 

Allah’s Apostle said: “A woman, once married, should ask for husband’s consent if she wants to give away a gift (or donation) from her money.”

Chapter 30 : Woman should help her husband and his dependants

Narrated by Jabir bin ‘Abdullah: “My father died and left seven or nine girls and I married a matron”. Allah’s Apostle said to me, “O Jabir! Have you married?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “A virgin or a matron?” I replied, “A matron.” he said, “Why not a virgin, so that you might play with her and she with you, and you might amuse her and she amuse you.” I said, ” ‘Abdullah (my father) died and left girls, and I dislike to marry a girl like them, so I married a lady (matron) so that she may look after them.” On that the Prophet said, “May Allah bless you,” or “That is good.”

 

 

Chapter 31: Husband should provide for wife and children

Narrated by ‘Aisha : Hind (bint ‘Utba) said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Abu Sufyan is a miser. Is there any harm if I take of his property what will cover me and my children’s needs?” The Prophet said, “Take (according to your needs) in a reasonable manner.”

 

 

Narrated by ‘Abdullah: Allah has cursed those women who practise tattooing and those who get themselves tattooed, and those who remove their face hairs, and those who create a space between their teeth artificially to look beautiful, and women changing the features created by Allah. Why then should I not curse those whom the Prophet has cursed? And that is in Allah’s Book. i.e. His Saying: ‘And what the Apostle gives you take it and what he forbids you abstain (from it).’ (59.7) 

 

Chapter 33 : Woman should not wear tight clothes

 

 

Narrated by Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “Two are the types of the denizens of Hell whom I did not see: people having flogs like the tails of the ox with them and they would be beating people, and the women who would be dressed but appear to be naked, who would be inclined (to evil) and make their husbands incline towards it. Their heads would be like the humps of the bukht (very huge) camel inclined to one side. They will not enter Paradise and they would not smell its odour whereas its odour would be smelt from such and such distance.”

 

Narrated by Sa’eed bin Al Musayyib: Mu’awiya came to Medina and he addressed us and took out a bunch of hair and said: I never saw but the Jews using this (adding of artificial hair) and I can well recall that when this act would reached Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him), he would name it as cheating.

 

In another narration Mu’awiya said one day : Should I tell you the evil make-up. Allah’s Apostle forbade cheating. It was during that time that a person came with a staff and there was a cloth on its head, whereupon Mu’awiya said: Behold, that is cheating. Qutada (the sub-narrator) said: This implies how women artificially increase their hair with the help of rags.

 

Narrated by A’sha that a woman came to Allah’s Apostle) and said: I have a co-wife. Is there any harm for me if I give her the false impression (of getting something from my husband which he has not in fact given me)? Thereupon Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: The one who creates such a (false impression) of receiving what one has not been given is like one who wears the garment of falsehood.

 

 

Chapter 36 : Women should not wear high shoes

Narrated by Abu Sa’eed Al Khudri, Allah’s Apostle said :” A Jewish women used to put two wooden legs to lengthen her shoes, so that no one could recognise her, for she was very short.” The Prophet forbade this action that is a kind of cheating others.

 

 

Chapter 37 : Women should not shave their heads

 

 

Narrated by Ibn ‘Abbas: Allah’s Apostle said, “Women do not have to shave their head, only to shorten their hair (i.e. in hajj and other practices)”

 

Chapter 38 : Women’s dying their hands and feet with henna

 

 

Narrated by ‘A’isha, Ummul Mu’minin: A woman made a sign from behind a curtain to indicate that she had a letter for the Apostle of Allah. The Prophet closed his hand, saying: I do not know this is a man’s or a woman’s hand. She said: No, a woman. He said: If you were a woman, you would make a difference to your nails, meaning with henna.

 

Chapter 39: Women should cover her face in the presence of foreign men

 

 

Narrated by ‘Abdullah bin Umar: A person stood up and asked, “O Allah’s: Apostle! What clothes may be worn in the state of Ihram?” The Prophet replied, “Do not wear a shirt or trousers, or any headgear, and also do not wear anything perfumed with Wars or saffron, and the Muhrima (a woman in the state of Ihram) should not cover her face, or wear gloves.”

 

Narrated Abu Musa Al ‘Ashari: Allah’s Apostle said, “Wearing silk (clothes) and gold is no allowed for the males of my Ummah but allowed to the females.”

 

Chapter 41 : Women, not men, are allowed to wear clothes dyed in saffron

 

 

Narrated by ‘Abdullah b. ‘Amr: Allah’s Apostle saw me in two clothes dyed in saffron, whereupon he said: Has your mother ordered you to do so? And I said: I will wash them. He said: But burn them.

 

Chapter 42 : Women should not show their ornaments to foreign men

 

 

Narrated by Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “Woe unto women from the two reds: gold and saffron-dyed clothes.”

 

 

Chapter 43: Women should not imitate men in dress, movements, and way of speech

 

 

Narrated by Ibn ‘Abbas: Allah’s Apostle cursed those men who are in the similitude (assume the manners) of women and those women who are in the similitude (assume the manners) of men.

 

Source: http://www.rasoulallah.net/subject_en.asp?hit=1&parent_id=82&sub_id=1389

 

Win-Win Negotiation; Finding a fair compromise

Win-Win Negotiation

Finding a fair compromise

 

Do you feel that someone is continually taking advantage of you? Do you seem to have to fight your corner aggressively, or ally with others, to win the resources you need? Or do you struggle to get what you want from people whose help you need, but over whom you have little direct authority? If so, you may need to brush up your win-win negotiation skills.

Effective negotiation helps you to resolve situations where what you want conflicts with what someone else wants. The aim of win-win negotiation is to find a solution that is acceptable to both parties, and leaves both parties feeling that they’ve won, in some way, after the event.

There are different styles of negotiation, depending on circumstances.

Where you do not expect to deal with people ever again and you do not need their goodwill, then it may be appropriate to “play hardball”, seeking to win a negotiation while the other person loses out. Many people go through this when they buy or sell a house – this is why house-buying can be such a confrontational and unpleasant experience.

Similarly, where there is a great deal at stake in a negotiation, then it may be appropriate to prepare in detail and legitimate “gamesmanship” to gain advantage. Anyone who has been involved with large sales negotiations will be familiar with this.

Neither of these approaches is usually much good for resolving disputes with people with whom you have an ongoing relationship: If one person plays hardball, then this disadvantages the other person – this may, quite fairly, lead to reprisal later. Similarly, using tricks and manipulation during a negotiation can undermine trust and damage teamwork. While a manipulative person may not get caught out if negotiation is infrequent, this is not the case when people work together routinely. Here, honesty and openness are almost always the best policies.

Preparing for a successful negotiation…

Depending on the scale of the disagreement, some preparation may be appropriate for conducting a successful negotiation.

For small disagreements, excessive preparation can be counter-productive because it takes time that is better used elsewhere. It can also be seen as manipulative because, just as it strengthens your position, it can weaken the other person’s.

However, if you need to resolve a major disagreement, then make sure you prepare thoroughly. Using our free worksheet, think through the following points before you start negotiating:

• Goals: what do you want to get out of the negotiation? What do you think the other person wants?

• Trades: What do you and the other person have that you can trade? What do you each have that the other wants? What are you each comfortable giving away?

• Alternatives: if you don’t reach agreement with the other person, what alternatives do you have? Are these good or bad? How much does it matter if you do not reach agreement? Does failure to reach an agreement cut you out of future opportunities? And what alternatives might the other person have?

• Relationships: what is the history of the relationship? Could or should this history impact the negotiation? Will there be any hidden issues that may influence the negotiation? How will you handle these?

• Expected outcomes: what outcome will people be expecting from this negotiation? What has the outcome been in the past, and what precedents have been set?

• The consequences: what are the consequences for you of winning or losing this negotiation? What are the consequences for the other person?

• Power: who has what power in the relationship? Who controls resources? Who stands to lose the most if agreement isn’t reached? What power does the other person have to deliver what you hope for?

• Possible solutions: based on all of the considerations, what possible compromises might there be?

Style is critical…

For a negotiation to be ‘win-win’, both parties should feel positive about the negotiation once it’s over. This helps people keep good working relationships afterwards. This governs the style of the negotiation – histrionics and displays of emotion are clearly inappropriate because they undermine the rational basis of the negotiation and because they bring a manipulative aspect to them.

Despite this, emotion can be an important subject of discussion because people’s emotional needs must fairly be met. If emotion is not discussed where it needs to be, then the agreement reached can be unsatisfactory and temporary. Be as detached as possible when discussing your own emotions – perhaps discuss them as if they belong to someone else.

Negotiating successfully…

The negotiation itself is a careful exploration of your position and the other person’s position, with the goal of finding a mutually acceptable compromise that gives you both as much of what you want as possible. People’s positions are rarely as fundamentally opposed as they may initially appear – the other person may have very different goals from the ones you expect!In an ideal situation, you will find that the other person wants what you are prepared to trade, and that you are prepared to give what the other person wants.

If this is not the case and one person must give way, then it is fair for this person to try to negotiate some form of compensation for doing so – the scale of this compensation will often depend on the many of the factors we discussed above. Ultimately, both sides should feel comfortable with the final solution if the agreement is to be considered win-win.

Only consider win-lose negotiation if you don’t need to have an ongoing relationship with the other party as, having lost, they are unlikely to want to work with you again. Equally, you should expect that if they need to fulfill some part of a deal in which you have “won,” they may be uncooperative and legalistic about the way they do this.

 

 

Source: http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/NegotiationSkills.htm

What Women Want?

 

While some men may treat women like children, Islam as Prophet Muhammad taught it, takes a different view.   Muhammad the Feminist   I wonder how many men and women nowadays can digest the idea of calling Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) a “feminist”. That is, a feminist in the sense of one who always stood for the rights of women. In fact, he was just that, though the term applied to the Prophet could sound a bit quaint or anachronistic.   In a cultural milieu where baby girls were buried alive and wives were treated no better than chattel, the Prophet courageously liberated them and raised their status to equal that of men.   Muslims see Muhammad as living up to his God-appointed mission as the final messenger of God, standing up like a titan towering above the barbaric influences of the time to become the spiritual leader of the whole Muslim nation in Arabia as well as everywhere else Islam reached.     “The most valuable thing in the world is a virtuous woman.” - Prophet Muhammad  Literally, he rose to the high standards of leadership set by his own tradition: He was humble enough to listen to the complaints of his people and always hastened to meet their needs.   To the weakest among the people, he was compassionate, and considering the condition of women in those days, he was very responsive to their thoughts, feelings, and needs. He was particularly gentle, kind, and considerate toward them.   In this respect, he was very much unlike some of his Companions. Umar ibn Al-Khattab once said:   One day I went to the Prophet and saw him smiling. “May God make you smile forever, O Messenger of God,” I said and asked why he was smiling. “I smile at those women. They were chatting in front of me before you came. When they heard your voice, they all vanished,” he answered, still smiling. On hearing this answer, I raised my voice and told them, “O enemies of your own selves, you are scared of me, but you are not scared of the Messenger of God, and you do not show respect to him.” On hearing that, the women said, “You [Umar] are hard-hearted and strict.” (Al-Bukhari ) Twin Halves of Men   The Prophet always listened to women with consideration and compassion as he valued their views and opinions not only about affairs that specifically concerned them, but also about matters of wider significance.   It was because the Prophet gave such encouragement to women that there were well-known instances in early Muslim history of some of them freely speaking out for their rights.    Following the injunctions in the Qur’an, the Prophet gave women the right to education and freedom in matters related to marriage, divorce, and property rights.     “Women are your mothers, daughters, aunts.” - Prophet Muhammad The Prophet described women as “the twin halves of men,” which emphasized the idea that their role in society is complementary to that of men. He declared that “the most valuable thing in the world is a virtuous woman.”   He taught his followers that it is God’s commandment to treat women with gentleness and affection because, he said, “they are your mothers, daughters, aunts.”   Women Are Not the Devil   One typical Western criticism of the Prophet is about his marriages. Compared to the Christian conception of Jesus as the “Son of God”, Muhammad (peace be upon him) appears so down-to-earth and human.   If Christianity celebrates celibacy, Islam definitely celebrates marriage. And the final prophet, like the Old Testament prophets such as Abraham, Moses, and David, has proved through his own example that women do not defile men.   Indeed, Islamic spirituality is not weakened by the body, as it transcends far above the demands of the body. Also Islam, unlike Christianity, does not view the woman as the cause of the fall of man.   Respecting Mothers   The respect given to women as mothers is another aspect of “the Prophetic vision, in which kindness and loyalty to the mother, a rahmah (= mercy) to reciprocate the rahmah they themselves dispensed, is seen as an almost sacramental act” (Murad).   The Prophet said, “Paradise lies beneath the feet of mothers” (Ahmad).     “He always joined in household work and would at times mend his clothes, repair his shoes, and sweep the floor.” - Lady Aishah Once a man came to Prophet Muhammad and asked, “O Messenger of God, which person of all the people is best entitled to kind treatment and good companionship from me?” He answered, “Your mother.” The man asked, “And then?” He said, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “And after her?” He said, “Your mother.” The man asked for a fourth time, “And after her?” The Prophet said, “Your father” (Al-Bukhari). The Perfect Husband The Prophet was a perfect model for humankind in every aspect of our life. He was the kindest husband and the most loving and caring partner to his wives.   “The best among you is the one who is best toward his wife”  - Prophet Muhammad According to Aishah, the Prophet used to help his wives with domestic chores: “He always joined in household work and would at times mend his clothes, repair his shoes, and sweep the floor. He would milk, tether, and feed his animals and do the household shopping.” He taught his followers: “The best among you is the one who is best toward his wife” (At-Tirmidhi). We should remember that those were the days when women were treated like slaves and were punished for the silliest mistakes. The Prophet stopped all that and gave women the rights equal to those of men. For instance, Islam gave a wife the right to acquire and possess wealth and keep it for herself, and she had no responsibility to share the family expenses with her husband. And the husband had no legal right to any of her belongings. The Plight of Women In ancient times when a man died, his widow was often denied all rights to his property and she was subjected to terrible humiliation and maltreatment.   Islam believes that the one who works for widows and orphans is like one who strives in the way of God.  In certain societies, there was a tradition of immolation of the widow on the funeral pyre of her husband. Even if she was permitted to live, she was denied the right to remarry and lead a normal life. But the Prophet himself set the example of marrying widows and divorcees; his first wife was Khadijah, a widow 15 years senior to him. And after her death, he married only widows and divorcees with the exception of Aishah. Islam believes that the one who works for widows and orphans is like one who strives in the way of God. And we must remember that in those primitive times, a woman who did not have the support of a man was lost and ruined. The Prophet’s mercy toward women was not surprising, because Almighty God had appointed him as a mercy for the whole of creation. A Revolutionary Man In the Madinah society after the emigration of Muslims from Makkah established by the Prophet, women were guaranteed personal respect, the right to education, the right to enter into legal contracts, and the political right to express their views concerning public affairs. They were also given the right to choose a husband of their liking and to reject a marriage they did not like. At the time of marriage, a woman is entitled to a suitable present (in Arabic: mahr) from her bridegroom, and she is declared free of all domestic financial responsibilities, which are the responsibility of the husband.   The husband is not to keep his wife in a state of suspense, whether at home or abroad, for a long period of time except with her consent.  It is the duty of the husband to provide his wife and children with food, clothes, a home, and medical treatment according to his financial position and income. Muslim scholars have said that if a man does not support his wife financially, then she is entitled to get a divorce. The Prophet said that the best charity (in Arabic: sadaqah) is that spent on one’s wife: forgiveness in the case of disagreement, good manners, sweet words, a smiling face, a pleasing playfulness, and an amusing mien are but some facets of this “charity.” The Prophet said, “The world is delightful, and its greatest treasure is a good woman” (Muslim).  The husband is not to stay away from his wife or keep his wife in a state of suspense, whether at home or abroad, for a long period of time except with her consent. Unreasonably long separation on the part of the husband without prior arrangement with the wife is sufficient grounds for her to obtain divorce through a judge. Indeed, the Prophet allowed women to engage in suitable work for earning an income like men, so long as such jobs did not infringe on their dignity. He permitted them even to participate in battles: specifically to nurse the wounded soldiers and to fight alongside men.   All this was indeed revolutionary, considering the prevailing socio-cultural paradigms defining the Arabs of the time. So it was not surprising that so soon after the Prophet’s time, the vestiges of the pre-Islamic era, traditions from pre-Islamic Arabia slowly returned and gained somewhat of a foothold among Muslims.   Consequently something of the misogyny that previously existed returned, which reminds us of the need for reaffirming the noble example of the Prophet, whose compassion to his wives, daughters, and women companions cannot be forgotten.

 

 

Source: http://www.rasoulallah.net/subject_en.asp?hit=1&parent_id=82&sub_id=5637

Watch for “Concealed” Ways of Display

Examining the various conditions about the Hijab one can

clearly recognize that many of the young Muslim women are

not fulfilling these conditions. They consider what they put on

now. wrongly as “Hijab”

 

The enemies of the Islamic revival wanted to destroy it in its

infancy by oppression and cruelty. Allah (the Almighty) defeated their

plots and held the believing men and women steadfast in their

obedience of Him (the Almighty). The enemies of Islam realized that

they should deal with the Islamic revival in a wicked way in

order to sway this revival away from its course towards Allah.

They started to spread innovated forms of “Hijab” as a “mid-

way” solution by which the Muslim woman can “please”

Allah (they claim so!) and at the same time “accommodate”

her society and preserve her “beauty” and “glamour”.

 

The modern “boutique” stores were declining in their trade

due to the widespread use of the true Islamic Hijab. Suddenly,

the markets were flooded with altered forms of Tabar’roj

under the name ‘modern/contemporary Hijab’. In the

beginning this was protested and women were cautious. A

group of “displaying women” who were embarrassed with the

Islamic Hijab rushed towards the “contemporary Hijab” to

“relief’ themselves from the pressing social realities caused

by the spread of Hijab. With time the phenomenon of

“concealed display” became widespread and known as

“contemporary Hijab”. Women friendly to this course think

they are the best of girls and best of wives while in fact they

    are as one poet said:

 

If they relate to the Hijab-

It is the relation of an intruder

 

So! O women of this kind be mindful to Allah (the Almighty) and His

 Messenger (PBUH) and do not be deceived by those who

 may “bless” this action of yours and conceal their true

intentions. Do not be deceived and let your response be: ” I

 am better than those who are in a complete state of

 display!” There is no excuse to follow the evil. Know that the

 fire of Hell has different lower levels while Paradise has

different higher levels. So it is proper to follow your sisters

 who truly adhere to the Islamic Hijab and its conditions. Aim

 high towards the highest levels of Aj-Jannah. It has been

 narrated that the Prophet (PBUH) said:

 

“انظُرُوا إلى من هُو أسفلَ مِنْكُم في الدُّنيا، وفَوْقَكُم في الدَّين، فذلكَ أجدر أن لا

تَزدَروا- أي تَحتَقِروا- نعمةَ اللهِ عَلَيكُم”

 

“Look at those who stand at lower levels than you (regarding

worldly wealth) and those who stand at higher levels than you

in religion (adherence to faith). for this would not make the

favors (conferred upon you by Allah) insignificant (in your

eyes).”(1) Az-Zohri reported(2) that Ummar Ibin Al-Khatab

(may Allah be pleased with him) recited the saying of Allah (the Almighty):

 

وتَلا عمر بن الخطاب- رضي الله عنه- قوله عزَّ وجَلَّ:

 

} ‏ ‏إِنَّ الَّذِينَ قَالُوا رَبُّنَا اللَّهُ ثُمَّ اسْتَقَامُوا تَتَنَزَّلُ عَلَيْهِمُ

الْمَلَائِكَةُ أَلَّا تَخَافُوا وَلَا تَحْزَنُوا وَأَبْشِرُوا بِالْجَنَّةِ الَّتِي

كُنْتُمْ تُوعَدُونَ ‏‏{ [فُصَّلَت،30]

 

“Verily those who say: “Our Lord is

 Allah (Alone), and then they stood

 straight (i.e. they believed in the

Oneness of Allah and worshipped none

 but Him (Alone) and obeyed Him for

 all that He ordered them) on them the

 angels will descend (at the time of their

 death) (saying ); “Fear you not, nor

grieve! But receive the glad tidings of

 Aj-Jannah which you have been

Promised!) (Qur’an 41:30).

 

 He then said:                                                                                                   فقال:

“استقاموا واللهِ للهِ بطاعَتِهِ، ولَم يُرَوغوا رَوَغانَ الثَّعالِب”

 

” They, by Allah. followed the straight path of Allah by

obeying Him and did not dodge like wolves.”

 

Al-Hassan Al Basri, may Allah’s Mercy be upon him, said: ” If

Shaytan (Devil) looks and finds you continuously adhering to

the obedience of Allah he will seek you (i.e. check you) one

time after the other. If he finds that you are still holding, he

becomes weary of you and rejects you. But if you adhere one

time and you do not another, then he becomes covetous:

he wants to have you for himself.”(3)

 

So come on to a straight path that has no crookedness and a

guidance that has no misleading ways in it, and to an honest

repentance that has no disobedience in it:

 

} ‏ وَتُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا أَيُّهَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ لَعَلَّكُمْ

تُفْلِحُونَ‏‏ ‏‏{ الآية [النور،31]

“And turn you all together to Allah

(and beg Him) to forgive you all, O

believers, that you may be successful.”

 (Qur’an 24:31)

 

source: http://www.rasoulallah.net/subject_en.asp?hit=1&parent_id=82&sub_id=1448

The Prophet’s Multiple Marriages: Why?

The issue of the Prophet’s multiple marriages is one of the most debated and misunderstood questions regarding the Prophet’s life. However, scholars maintain that the Prophet’s multiple marriages have their own wisdom and purpose ordained by Allah. In this he is no different than previous prophets such as Ibrahim (Abraham), Musa (Moses), Ya`qub (Jacob), Dawud (David), etc., who all had more than one wife. It is wrong to judge them by the standards of our modern secular values and ideals.

If we approach the marriages of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) based on his mission in light of the milieu he was called upon to fulfill, it is not hard to discover that his marriages were never primarily motivated by sexual considerations. Rather, they had much higher purposes in the divine plan. These goals were mainly related to his mission of unifying Arabs, and also, not less importantly, intended to set standards for reforming intractable customs that had caused so much misery and destruction for humanity.

The Arabs before the rise of Islam were a race who fought relentlessly for even the most trivial matters, and no one before the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) had ever succeeded in unifying them. The Prophet unified them; marriage proved to be one of the means of achieving this unity. Again, marriage to a widow was a curse in Arabia as well in other major parts of the world such as India. In most of these societies a widow was considered more like a pariah or curse for the entire family. Almost all of the women that the Prophet married were widows.

A still important factor to consider: The most sexually active phase in anyone’s life is before he reaches the age of fifty. We must remember that in this phase, the Prophet had only one wife, Khadijah, who was fifteen years older than him. The Prophet married her when he was twenty-five and she was forty years. She died at the age of sixty-five. It was only after her death and in Madinah, after he had dedicated himself to the task of building a nation, that he married a number of women belonging to different Arab clans, most of them were widows. By marrying them he was setting a precedent to reverse the taboo of widow marriage. Secondly, he was paying back his due to some of the companions who had perished in battles leaving behind widows with children, just as he was also seeking to unify the Arab tribes. Such a function of marriage is inconceivable for us today.

Having said this, it must, however, further be add that: we need not apologize for the Islamic teachings concerning human sexuality. Unlike some religions that hold very negative views of sexuality, Islam celebrates sexuality within the framework of marriage, and looks at it in a fairly positive light, and the Prophet of Islam (peace and blessings be upon him) best represents this ideal.

The question of the Prophet’s multiple marriage should never pose a problem for the faithful when they heed the statement of Allah in the Qur’an concerning his marriages:

“(Hence) no blame whatever attaches to the Prophet for (having done) what God has ordained for him. (Indeed, such was) God’s way with those that have passed away afore-time- and remember that God’s will is always destiny absolute!” (Al-Ahzab: 38).

Source: http://www.rasoulallah.net/subject_en.asp?hit=1&parent_id=29&sub_id=4784